Lay 'Em Down

Lay 'Em Down {Honestly, you need to listen to this song}
Come down to the river
Come and let yourself in
Make good on a promise
To never hurt again
If you're lost and lonely

STOP. Ok that's where I am tonight. Lost without God and lonely without His promise confirming me in what I thought I believed and the Christian lifestyle I thought I was leading.
Tonight, I was sitting in the Vine {Second Baptist's college ministry} and Daniel was talking about personal relations with Christ and making it a point to actually be personal. Ok, here's where I went, "Whoa."
Then it only gets better. This girl who had grown up thinking she was a Christian SLAP come to find out, she was not. She told her amazing story and you could see the girl actually changing right there on stage from moment to moment. She used to party and use drugs and live that life that we are always hearing about. You know the one. The one that's "not pleasing to God." Only a few months ago did she actually get it, that she wasn't being the person God wanted her to be. "Whoa."
No longer is there a longing in my soul, no longer am I proud of my beliefs, no longer do I even claim God let alone proclaim God. I feel so fake. I have turned off all of my responsibilities as a Christian.

Broken down
Bring all of your troubles
And come lay 'em down

STOP. I am living that life. "The not pleasing to God" life. It has become even more apparent these past few days when all these youth workers from different places have approached me about becoming a leader. A leader? A leader of what? Of whom? I would be continuing a lie if I even remotely accepted that challenge thinking I could just pray my way through it. Pray? I only do that when something bad happens. How wrong is that?

All you sinners
{That's me...and you for that matter.}
And the weak at heart
{Check}
All the helpless
{Double check}
On the boulevards
Wherever you are now
{Laying with dogs on my feet and my sister beside me house-sitting}
Whatever evil you've found
{The lies I've been living}
Bring all of your troubles
And come lay 'em down

Here I am. Sitting in my parent's bed, surrounded by so many good things that have been provided by God {That deserves a thanks, God, I am so blessed by them} and I want to live a different live. The other one, the one that IS pleasing to God.

We're all tied to the same old failings
Finding shelter in things we know
We're all dirty like corrupted small towns

Ok, I do this. I say I'm sorry and fall back into the same old things that I shouldn't. See? Even now those thoughts are in my head. I do not want to be tied to these anymore.

We'll bring our troubles
We'll bring our troubles
Come lay 'em down

All you rich men
And the high above
All those with
And without love
{I want God's love to be enough. I need His love to be enough.}
All you burdened
And turned around
Bring all of your troubles
Come lay 'em down

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." James 1:2-3